I’m thinking about writing a blog. Mostly because writing to myself is so boring and perhaps if I write a blog, other people will read it and maybe, just maybe, they will provide some insight or respond. I have to imagine that contributions will make writing to myself less boring.
I live alone in Bountiful. Sometimes, it’s really good. Like when I don’t feel like doing the dirty dishes or when I just want some peace and quiet. But sometimes, it’s really bad. Like when you come home at night and the other thing that you have to do is stare into a computer screen for work…the same thing that you’ve been doing for the last 8 hours at your other job.
Just like a real dream, even when you wake up, you don’t feel the effects of the dream wear off immediately. Whether it’s a sense of peace and happiness that lingers from a wonderful dream of a simpler time or whether you are constantly looking over your shoulder in fear that the monster really is coming to get you or you really are falling off a building or someone really is hunting you down. Usually, it takes some other event in your day to realize that reality is a far cry from what you experienced in your slumber.
The same is true with this dream. But it is going to take more than a day. I’m expecting it to take weeks…maybe even longer. Although, with each passing day, a sense of normalcy slowly returns. And, a sense of the gravity of reality.
Unlike other dreams, there are several lasting effects of this dream. A lot of sadness. A lot of regret. A lot of pain. Although some of these emotions may fade with time, they will never go away completely. Hopefully, there will be lessons learned and those lessons will not go away. Whether or not those concepts are actually learned, only time will tell.
This is an account of the recovery. As Jeffrey Foucault so aptly describes, “Grace is just a measure of the fall.” I’m hoping for, praying for, amazing grace.
